nostalgic ramblings

So yesterday someone asked about my past relationships, past girlfriends, I figure they were trying to piece together why I am the way I am. And it got me very reminescent of the past. so im going to talk a little but about each of the girls in my past that have had an impact on me and my life. Just the ones I feel are worth being talked about.

Trish....yeah, even though we dont even speak now, I have to at least mention her considering she has my initials tattooed on her body. We had this...thing I guess you could call it. It was never this serious world wind romance or anything. Actually for the first like year of our off and on whatever it was, we didnt even kiss. We never slept together. ever. It was about so much more with her. She was my best friend. to the point that if we were fighting we would still stay the night with each other, on opposite sides of the room, on our phones talking shit about each other, just so the other didnt have to be alone. She created me. She showed me this world that was so unknown to me, she was special. and not I couldnt even tell ya where she is or what she is doing.

Kayla...Or whatever she is going by these days. Since she is transitioning into a male. yeah. whatever. It's weird to me. But it is her personal decision. Makes a girl wonder what she could have done though ya know. She happened to me very quickly. She was just there. And the next thing I knew we were proving all those horrible lesbian stereotypes correct. We met. slept together. used the "L" word. Packed my stuff. I moved in. all in the first week or two. We had crazy moments. And an amazing connection that I still can not put into words. We broke up. Fought. Continued living together. Slept with other people. Fought. Got back togther. Fought. Broke up. And with the exception of maybe two times, I have not seen her in about two years I think. She is happy in love now. And I am thankful for that. She is changing her lifestyle, and I can not comment on that.I wish her the very best. I was so wrapped up in her for years after we were nothing to each other, until about a year ago she could call me and my bags were packed and ready for her to tell me she wanted me back. Now id like to think I was a stepping stone on her way to where she is supposed to be.

Ashley...oh my oh my. Ashley alyssa morgan mercedes...if she were to read this I almost guarantee she would get all pissy about me not saying that other name I cant say...nor spell..lol.[[sorry babe]] okay so let's get real right now. She was that girl that was not only out of my league, but in a completely different game. I felt lucky she ever even talked to me. Like in high school there was always that super hot way popular guy [or girl...but im using a hetero example] that any girl would be lucky to even stand next to...well even years after I left high school, she was that for me. And we had our moments but it never went beyond a convo and a friendly hug. or a friendly chase around town. lol. Until she came back into my life almost a year later. And it would take days to go into all the details of it, so I wont, But I will say that she has had the biggest impact on my life. She hit me hard. I fell faster than I have ever fell for anyone. She was, at the time, my world. My everything, the reason I woke up every day. I loved her in ways that until then I had only read about in books. she made me feel like I was worth something. She was the first girl to truly make me believe I was beautiful. And for that I will be eternally thankful. We had our run, and it was great while it lasted. We were happy, no matter what anyone tried to say or do. we knew who we were and what we meant to each other, and no one will ever take that away. Sadly, our time together did not last as long as intended. Life gets in the way. It happens. she did her thing. I did mine. I met kayleigh. She had shelby. we caught up in our own worlds. she was the first make me reconsider my relationships with other people. Months into my relationship with kayleigh I was mentally headed back to Tn to be with her. Though I decided I was better off here. We talk now. rarely. But I know that no matter what, we will have that summer, and a part of me will always love her...in a platonic, nastalgic way. I hope she finds what she needs out of life. and I hope she knows she is my best friend and I will always be there for her, no matter what.